Nearly everyone is aware of
419 scams. These emails, usually originating from Nigeria, attempt to con a relatively small amount of advance money in a scheme that promises millions for the victim.
I recently discovered the web sites of some
419-baiters. These are people who, as a hobby, respond to these email frauds in an effort to string them along, waste their time and effort, and generally have fun at the criminals' expense. These take a while to read but can be brilliantly funny. Bragging rights are earned from extracting trophies - getting the scammer to send a
photo, or even something of value.
Here's an example:
MRS. EVANGELIST PAULINA ONYEGO
Greetins of our LORD JESUS CHRIST,
How are you and the daily activities including your family? I hope everybody is fine. I got your contact through a missionary that visited our camp, ... I am a citizen of Sierra Leone, the second Daughter to the former Minister of Mines and Energy who was killed by rebels during the Sierra-Leonean war.
...
But since his death I am living in a refugee camp here in Accra-Ghana as a refugee. My father left behind physical cash in US Dollars Runs into Million Which he safely lodged in a Private Security & Finance Company ...
Mrs. Onyego needs help to get the millions in cash, which for some reason, is in Spain. This is typical of these scams, that are usually more complex than they ever need be in some sort of attempt at verisimilitude. In exchange she's offering fifteen percent of the 8,650,000. The intent of the scam is to extract money as an advance to pay a lawyer, bribe officials, or some such.
Barry Lennar responds. Barry will have some fun seeing how abusive he can be and still keep things going.
Good Christ, woman! I can understand next to nothing of your blithering. You'd think in refugee camps, you'd have learned to get to the point...
What, precisely, is it that you want me to do? Are you in need of charity? If so, the next time the U.N., or whoever is running your camp, allows you to get to the computer, look at my website. The URL is listed below. I give away a lot of money to charities in the Third World...
Either way, I can hardly make heads or tails of that convoluted cornucopia of conversation below. Write back immediately and tell me, in no uncertain terms, what it is you want.
Furthermore, explain to me why, if you're in Ghana, your email address is German.
Regards,
Bernard "Barry" Lenner
President and CEO
Lenner Plumbing Supplies Warehouses, Intl., Inc.
14 Coxwank Industrial Park
Waukepetonsett, IA 50392
Miss Onyego provides more details. There's over eight million dollars in custody of a "Security company" in Spain.
Great screaming Jesus. That's a lot of money. What are you doing in a refugee camp in Ghana? I would guess that any of those fly-ridden, malaria-addled camp guards would sneak you out for a paltry million. Actually, come to think of it, I think you can buy all of Ghana for about $250,000. Shoot them a bid and see what they say.
Barry goes on to say he's bringing in Herrel S. Foggs, of
Foggs Financial, to assist with the transaction. This is typical of the fun, getting more characters in the game. I followed one byzantine saga that had three fictional characters on the one side along with a fictional second scammer trying to horn in on the con.
Barry gets Ms Onyega to send some pictures of herself. Barry begins hinting at a romantic interest if the lovely Ms Onyego. Eventually Barry gets an email from the Spanish security company that has custody of the cash. Barry replies with an abusive email, critical of the poor english and resentful of being contacted by a mere secretary of the firm.
Darrel Foggs, who has been cc'd, now chimes in:
With all due respect, I do not know what you are talking about, but if we are talking about a financial transaction that is in the millions of dollars, I'd suggest being a little more polite to your potential business partner. Remember my friend, you are rich, but by being nice you will become richer.
Barry responds to Foggs:
Damn it, man, this is an international modality of millions of dollars. I will not be dealt with by a lowly secretary. I'm talking about claiming a lot of money that is rightfully mine. For that kind of business, I will speak with Mr. Edward Daryl Esajass himself.
Back me up on this, Herrel. You and I have been around the block enough times to know that dealing with these coffee-making, peso-an-hour minions will do nothing but waste time and muddle the modalities.
By the bye, did you see the picture of Mrs. Onyouiwannabe? What do you think? Lovely lady, isn't she?
Yours, etc.
Bernard "Barry" Lenner
P.S Can you fly in by Wednesday? It's the start of grouse season. Bring your blunderbuss, and we'll take the dogs into the North Forty.
Foggs and Lenner exchange more about their hunting plans. Barry gets another picture from Ms Onyego. About now he mangling her name as Ms."Onyougonow", "Purina," and "Pullinya." Onyego appears not to notice. More pointless exchanges follow.
Then Foggs contacts Onyego directly:
But I have to warn you that Mr. Lenner is not a good man. Yes, he has lots of money, but he does not care about anyone but himself. He does not care about your plight or your need. I've worked with him for many, many years and all he does is boss me around and tell me how stupid I am.
He does this after all I've done for him... I have helped make him a very rich man. He is also a womanizer. He takes advantage of women like yourself who are in great need. If you do come to Iowa, the most likely scenario is he hold you in some kind of indentured servitude and he will make you do very bad things with him. He has unnatural relations with women (and it is rumored that he has them with young men too). You will most likely be worse off than you are now.
Foggs has access to Lanner's accounts, and offers to provide the needed advance monies provided he gets cut in for $500,000.
Onyego agrees to work with Foggs, and things get more byzantine as Foggs and Onyego make their plans, still stringing Barry along, with continued romantic overtures.
Eventually Lennar discovers Foggs duplicity. Onyego and Lennar are working together again. Foggs eventually commits suicide, the scammer begins to clue in that he's being had, and the game ends.
Dirty John Bonny
We are all atheists about most of the gods that societies have ever believed in. Some of us just go one god further.
posted by Jack | 11:51 PM
|
0 comments
What struck me, as I read through this list, was how few of these books I'd read, or even heard of. Not sure what to think about that. But boys read boy books, and I think that's one reason that Joanna Rowling wrote as "J.K."
Scout (Jean Louise) was the essence of cool from the get-go. She called her father by his given name, learned to read at the age of four, and, on first reading (I wasn't paying close attention) I was confused whether she was a girl or a boy. And I have a friend J.L. who I call 
Ok, so as citizens of the federation of eight planets, it's up to us to replace the now defunct mnemonic "My Very Educated Mother Just Showed Us Nine Planets" with something else.
It was kind on embarrasing to see those IAU scientists make fools of themselves. I think it was 
Powerful evangelical churches are pressing Kenya's national museum to sideline its world-famous collection of hominid bones pointing to man's evolution from ape to human.
Leaders of the country's six-million-strong Pentecostal congregation want Dr Richard Leakey's ground-breaking finds relegated to a back room instead of being given their usual prime billing.
If you choose to believe in fairy tales, that's your decision. I'll stick with good old Darwin and his theory of evolution.
Top search terms this week are "Barry Lennar" and "Herrel Foggs," who were featured 
Dirt made my lunch,
So I wonder - what 